So you’ve made a huge life decision!
Unfortunately, you do not get to decide all the things that come with it. The-most important thing for you to know in my opinion is that no matter what happens, you are responsible for your own behaviour. This should also apply to anyone who surrounds you.
How are you going to handle things moving forward? Take this advice if nothing else. At the end of this chapter when you look back, be proud of the person you were during this time.
The Nitty Gritty…
In my experience the beginning stages of my new life decision was full of excitement. I was so excited to start a whole new life. I was free! Well, kind of, sort of, not really. Divorce takes a small life time. In this time the reality of the decision I had made came crashing down.
People started to talk…
People became fascinated with my life. I truly did not know that I was so exciting.
These are three types of people I dealt with:
- the vultures
- the gossips
- the real deal
They might be the worst type. Always getting close enough to you for no other reason but to feel better about themselves. They will interject themselves into your life just to know the inner workings of your demise. After they’ve picked enough flesh from your bones, they’ll start to pull away. Sometimes its because things are starting to seem that the life you left looks pretty similar to the life they are living now. You are threatening to them, and the lie that they are living. They will ditch you, or you will ditch them. Don’t worry, they’ll find someone else’s misery to build themselves up again.
These people will be sooooo concerned about you. They will reach out just to know more about what they’ve heard. Most of the time asking you question about salacious things. Do you have a boyfriend? Are you really taking half of everything?
Don’t worry, they’ll cover all the bases of gossip by even telling you what they’ve heard. Ya. Not helpful. I am very aware that I’m a liar. I am very aware that I left my husband because I’m probably a lesbian and a have a boyfriend. Not sure how that works, but at one point I heard both. Not once will these people ask you; have you eaten? Have you showered? Do you need help getting up off the couch? Do you want me to come to the OPP station to help you report your assault? What do you need?
They will be happy to stay in their own bubble of “concern” for your misery.
The Real Deal…
I’m so excited to write this part. These people! I won’t ramble on for too long but just know that they deserve every word and more. They will be there, they will pick a side, they won’t ask you to confirm gossip they’ve heard, they will just show up. Literally, if you don’t answer your phone and they’ve tried a couple times they will just show up.
These people plan and host your 3 year olds birthday party because you’re too much of a mess. They will bring you Rum and Dairy Queen. They will change their own schedule to come to every drop off and pick up of your child, because you are too afraid to do it alone. Do you have a job? Well, they will pack their own children up in the wee hours of the morning to watch yours while you work. You have a court date? You best believe your best friend and mom will sit right beside you.
Your house gets emptied one night when you’re gone for a few hours? They will deliver you things from their own homes. They will sit with you on your kitchen floor, watch you fall apart and try to answer your questions about why me. They will hug you and let you cover their sweater in tears and mucus because you can’t stop crying.
These are the people you trust, the people who won’t leave. Your life and troubles are not an inconvenience to them. They are not getting joy from your pain. You will quickly recognize these people for who they are.
If you’re wondering how you find this. You don’t. Your circle will find you.
For all of my people.
For all my Vultures and Gossips. Just know this, I’m not mad at you, I’m not even hurt by what you did to me. I have accepted that everyone is always just doing their best. Me and my life was too much for you and that is ok. I truly understand this now. I do wish this for you, if you are ever in that position again, take a good hard look at your behaviour, the things you’re doing and saying.
Is talking poorly about someone making you feel better about your own life? Temporarily sure. I’ve been there. Is someone’s misery how you really want to seek fulfillment?
Maybe it’s time to take a good hard look at yourself. What got you to the point you are right now? It has nothing to do with me and everything to do with you.
To everyone who has touched my life in some way whether good or bad. Thank you. Without you I wouldn’t be who I am today. I can look back and be proud of who I was during this time.