Before I die I want to..

Good morning, 

A bit of a bold title, but it is something I feel truly passionate about.  I am not passionate about death, but I am extremely passionate about life and living one that makes you happy, healthy, fulfilled, proud and full of love. 

If you haven’t watched a TED talk I encourage you with every fibre of my being, for you to do so. The TED talk below, I think is something we should all save and watch every once in awhile to gain perspective of the direction our life is heading. 

If you have never experienced a major loss it might be hard to truly understand how profound the death of a loved one can be. When you come out the other side of the grief and mourning that comes with death, it can truly be life altering. I have talked before about my own personal loss of my Dad, and for a very long time it all didn’t make any sense, and every part of my life was greatly effected in a negative way. It is still fairly crushing to think about, truth is it super crushing and I am crying right now. And I am sure parts of it always will be. The loss of my Dad has forever changed my whole life and how I live. It took me about six years to move out of mourning and gain the perspective I have now. I still waiver a lot on a monthly basis or even daily.  So you have to be ready for it to be a life long journey.  There will be times everything will just keeps piling on. Enter divorce; but that’s a whole other topic for a different day. 

But, with the loss of my dad and this super awesome divorce process, I truly feel like I now know that life really is short, and that living a life you want a little bit more each day is and should be part of your plan. It is incredibly hard, sometimes even scary and has been an absolute roller coaster that I have wanted to get off more times than I can say.  There have been times when things felt so hard that I would write down three things every day I was thankful for. My son was always one of them but the other two varied, on bad days they were things like, I am alive, I can breathe, I am healthy.  But what would be worse than all of these experiences combined, would be at the end of my life knowing that I let life pass by and I settled because of fear. Butttt… holy hell is change scary. 

But here I am still standing some what upright, working everyday to live the life I want.  I still get caught up in life’s little annoyances and major road block,  but now I look at why God, fate, Mother Nature or whoever keeps returning me to the same spot. It is as if life continues to circle you back over and over agin until you’re ready to learn the lesson. And until you’re really ready to listen and look at whatever it is dead on, you’re more than likely to keep returning to a similar situation or place. 

Below is the Ted talk I watched this morning and inspired this post. So ask yourself on the hard days, and on the good days if the life your leading is taking you to towards the life you want. Not the life that sounds good, or looks good to others but a life full of love, self respect, passion and happiness. 

Before I die I want to…

Xoxoxo, 
Emma

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